Like father - like daughter
To be honest, this one is difficult to start, because I don't even know where to begin. I think the short version of a long story is that I grew up with a workaholic dad, who has been a serial entrepreneur since he was a teenager. And despite me calling him out from a young age and swearing that I will never become like him - a workaholic, running a business - I now live to tell you that like father - like daughter, I might have actually outdone him.
The truth is that my entrepreneur journey and following burnouts occurred because the year before I started my business was horrible for me. I went through a lot of traumatising events, a series of them. I wanted to hide from the world and sadly I couldn't do it for too long on the road, recovering from the heartbreak while solo travelling through Europe.
After almost a year following the first major blow to my life, I needed to come back to reality and make a living. So, I decided to return to the closest thing I had as a home back in the UK, settled with a part-time job or five and I started to built my own business.
I started my business LIFESEXPERTS with a lot of passion and determination to learn, to grow and help as many people as possible to build happy relationships and lead fulfilling intimate lives.
I was game for the challenges. I worked 80+ hour weeks. I loved it. But behind the glorification of starting a business, and the front of dedication and passion - I was actually hurting a lot. Building my business gave me the safety I needed - the control I craved - the ''busy'' that kept hurt at bay.
I loved it.
See, I can be cold, composed and keep the cool of the Ice Queen through shit storms. But I just store stress in my body - invisible to others.
Many high-achievers and successful people are like that. We do well under pressure. But the stress kills us from the inside - slowly and invisibly to others. And we're stoics, so we keep our mouths shut. We are made of steel and we don't like showing weakness.
So what was happening?
I started losing sleep down to stress. I started struggling to get out of bed in the mornings because of pains all over my body (at 25 years old). I started losing hair. Had a bald patch at the back of my head for well over 1 year. SEXY, I know!
I pushed and pushed myself.
I remember how one day I got so tired of being too busy - carrying sexual tension & desire like a horny teenager - I genuinely scheduled - yes, put it in my calendar ''masturbation''.
That was bad - I knew it. But that's the price of success - hey!
I justified, excused and minimised so much of the unhealthy lack of boundaries I had around work and working.
I went to more business events, workshops, networking events etc. than was needed. I spent every waking minute learning, building, and connecting. The price of success!
I am a sexpert, I am very self-aware of my intimate needs and yet I wasn't making room for them in my life. After another letdown from a partner, I just thought - Fuck it, I don't have time for this BS - I'll DIY it.
And so 5 months went by. #DrySpell
As all of this was happening I burnt out a few times.
Each burnout was more severe than the last, with longer recovery time and bigger disruptions to my work. At one point Burnout sent me an invoice and it was bloody expensive.
What also didn't help was that I was ''hidden away'' - there was no one to see it, and for those close enough to potentially see - I put a big fat smile and stayed a true stoic.
I started making changes, baby steps, but the compulsion to work, the obsessive thoughts about my to-do-list and success didn't make it easy.
By luck I met a great guy and a romance started. I knew I couldn't keep being the way I was - that at some point this was going to kill the relationship I valued, and so I started attending Workaholic Anonymous meetings. But there was too much there that I didn't like and agree with - so I couldn't stick with it. I wrote about it in detail over here in case you're curious.
So, I realised I had to find a way to heal on my own - I needed the road - that's how I heal. I was planning on walking the Portuguese Camino to Santiago de Compostella in May 2020, but as you may have guessed it, the pandemic ruined my time lines. More months went on. Adding further social isolation because of the pandemic enabled my excessive work habits.
I was going to lose it again... To lose at least 4-5 weeks of work and productivity and while my brain was on fire my health and money were burning too - I couldn't let myself stand there and watch it go in flames again.
I hit the road in September 2020
And after nearly 400km walked with a backpack and serious investments made in myself, my workaholism and burnout recovery - I came back home - with a notebook full of know-how. Know how that I collected by spending a ton of time and effort in digging the right resources, podcasts, courses, worksheets, experts etc. and more importantly doing the work. Doing the work of introspection, testing new techniques, applying new ways of being to my daily life and more.
I came back changed, but still in recovery. And although at the time of writing this I can say, I have turned my life around, I have a better relationship with work, my body, the people in my life and so much more - I cannot deny, I am still working on myself, challenging myself and monitoring how I deal with blows to my mental health and crisis.
Fellow entrepreneurs who knew about my journey asked questions, sought my support and guidance. The best way to affirm the learned is by teaching it, but this was overwhelming itself. It was a lot of emotional labour and I was going to burnout talking about burnout and helping others cope with their own. Hence, I had to listen to the advice of my business mentor and put my knowledge in a course and make it accessible to folks near and far who need the support.
There are tons of reasons why I ended up in this cycle, even more reasons why it was difficult to get out of it - but it all comes down to the fact that this is life, sometimes we slip - and sometimes, we grab the devil by the horns and fight for ourselves.
If you want to get support on your journey to recovery from burnout and workaholism, explore what I can help with in my course and / or sign up for more valuable insights and content by subscribing to the site.
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If you’re interested in learning more about addressing workaholism, feel invited to take our course Bin Burnout & Thrive - which will give you a structured path to addressing your workaholism and ending the burnout vicious cycle. In our course you’ll find two whole chapters helping couples focus on building their connection, making time for family as well as for intimacy and finding sexual fulfilment. For more information about the course and all of its chapters - visit: https://www.binburnout.com/online-course-burnout
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burnout,
workaholism,
perfectionism,
how these lead to high turnover at companies,
costly errors at work, and on the more personal side of things -
how childhood trauma along with social structures and norms lead us to have poor work-life boundaries,
what are the family dynamics in workaholics’ homes,
how our bodies, relationships and intimate lives are affected by our working habits
and more….